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Was it better than revenge to know that Ticketmaster was forced to endure three hours of Taylor Swift puns from the senators on Tuesday?
Not quite. But don’t worry, angry Swifties: Ticketmaster and Live Nation aren’t out of the woods just yet, as the Justice Department continues to investigate the companies’ ticketing practices.
During Tuesday morning’s Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on Ticketmaster, Live Nation and the US ticket market, politicians weaponized Swift text after Swift text with ruthless, bipartisan abandon. The much-publicized hearing was chaired by Sens. Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn.) and Mike Lee (R-Utah) — and let’s just say former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s infamous “Pokémon GO to the polls” moment went like that Klobuchar and Lee’s cumbersome T-Swift references might run.
For those who need a refresher on the bad blood between Congress and Ticketmaster/Live Nation, the ticketing and events giants caused this themselves by royally screwing up pre-sales for Swift’s upcoming Eras tour – prompting a class-action lawsuit from fans and a public scolding from Swift himself.
At Tuesday’s hearing, Live Nation President Joe Berchtold expressed remorse for the “horrific consumer experience” that occurred during the Eras sale.
“We apologized to the fans. We apologize to Ms. Swift,” Berchtold said. “We have to do better, and we will do better.”
Because we heard them (so now you need to hear them, too), here are all of Swift’s lyrics quoted by senators at the Ticketmaster hearing.
“All Too Good”
Klobuchar quoted Swift’s iconic post-breakup anthem “All Too Well” — and she gets a cookie for being the only senator to give the singer-songwriter direct credit for it.
“To have a strong capitalist system, you need competition. You can’t have too much consolidation – something I’m going to say sadly for this country as an ode to Taylor Swift, we know all too good” said Klobuchar.
So casually cruel in the name of honesty.
‘antihero’
Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn.) made a not-so-subtle reference to “Anti-Hero,” the confident lead single from Swift’s latest studio album, Midnights.
“Ticketmaster should look in the mirror and say, ‘I’m the problem, it’s me,'” he said.
And at tea time everyone agrees!
‘blank space’
Lee threw it back to “1989” with a wink and a nod to “Blank Space,” a popular song from Swift’s fifth studio album.
“A buyer of a ticket can sell it to someone else – a lot of people seem to think that’s kind of a solution,” he said. “I think it is a nightmare dressed up like a daydream.”
You can tell us when it’s over, if the high was worth the pain, Ticketmaster.
‘Karma’
In one role, Lee also managed to weave in a line from the vengeful Midnights track “Karma.”
“Karma is a relaxing thought. Aren’t you jealous that it’s not like that for you?‘ he quipped. “That’s all I have to say.”
You could say Lee acted like a goddamn acrobat to slip all those Swift puns into an official government investigation.
‘You belong With Me’
Lee strikes again! The senator also quoted the “Fearless” hit “You Belong With Me” while discussing his and Klobuchar’s role in the hearing.
“To be honest, a few months ago I was hoping to get the hammer back,” he said. “But again, She’s the cheer captain and I’m in the stands.”
We’d like to think that Lee (or one of his collaborators) wrote this zinger while laughing on a park bench and thinking, “Hey, isn’t this easy?”
